


Iteration

by hypereuni



Category: Naruto
Genre: Christmas, Dreamsharing, F/M, Mutual Pining, Naruto as award winning Icha Icha smut author, Not Canon Compliant, Romance, Secret Santa 2019, Time Loop, inspired by Russian Doll, warning: a little bit of body horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21960175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypereuni/pseuds/hypereuni
Summary: Sometimes, dreams can become reality.Secret Santa gift for Artimas.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi
Comments: 11
Kudos: 101





	Iteration

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ArtimasThyme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtimasThyme/gifts).



> AN: Merry Christmas, Artimas!!! It's a little late, but I hope you like your gift!

The sound of the rain woke Sakura before the alarm did.

The rain started off as a deceptive trickle, but sometime during her nap, it had begun to pour in freezing torrents from the sky, half hail and half ice-cold rain. The hail peppered the window panes with a staccato vengeance, and the wooden frame trembled under its force. Thankfully, the wood seemed to be sturdy enough, and with a final rattle, the windows became silent.

It was only when the alarm beeped, flashing 14:00 in bright neon letters, that Sakura reluctantly stirred from underneath the covers. She fumbled for the pager next to her pillow, before remembering that today was the 24th, which meant that she had the afternoon shift.

One hour and 45 more minutes left to sleep, then.

Sakura promptly dropped the pager on the bed and stretched her limbs lazily, shifting slightly to find a better sleeping position. She was about to fall back asleep when something rapped on the window. This time, it wasn’t the hail.

_Tap tap, tap tap, tap tap._

_Urgent. Come quickly._

When she heard the code, Sakura groaned, because that particular sequence meant that Tsunade was looking for her, and that her presence was required immediately. She rubbed the sleep grit out of her eyes and sluggishly sat up.

Fuuuck _._

She met Shizune on her way to the Hokage Tower, standing in front of the vending machine with two drinks in her hands. Shizune nodded at Sakura in greeting. "You look tired," she observed. "Here, I thought you might need this." She lobbed Sakura a can of coffee, which Sakura caught. It was still warm from the vending machine.

"Thanks," Sakura said gratefully. She cracked the lid and took a sip. "What’s happening?"

"The monthly village council meeting," Shizune informed her. "It was supposed to be next week, but it got rescheduled because the Hokage’s trip to Iwagakure got pushed back."

Sakura groaned. "It’s a waste of time for everyone,” she said grumpily. "Tsunade and the others scream at each other for an hour or two, Kakashi reads porn under the table and absolutely nothing gets accomplished." She looked at the can in her hands. "Why do we even bother going?" She asked it sadly.

Shizune shrugged. "Beats me," she said. "C’mon, Lady Tsunade’s waiting." 

Sakura let out a deep sigh before following the older girl through the double doors and into the large conference room on the first floor. They took their usual positions standing behind Tsunade’s chair. Most of the attendees were already seated at the round table; the two Council Elders were present, as was Tsunade and the majority of the clan heads. The few seats that remained empty were promptly filled in the next few minutes, with the exception of three seats. The seats for the Yamanaka and the Uzumaki clan heads were unoccupied, as both Ino and Naruto were away on vacation. The Hatake clan head’s seat was empty, for obvious reasons; its usual occupant sat in the Hokage’s seat at the head of the table.

"Is everyone accounted for?" Kakashi asked, looking bored. When his response was met with the rustle of cloth and the faint murmur of voices, he sighed.

"Let us begin, then," he said. He rapped the gavel next to him. Sakura whimpered softly next to Shizune.

It sounded like a knell for Sakura’s soul.

***** 

"Finally," Sakura groused to Shizune when the meeting finally ended. "That took ages." 

"No kidding," Shizune muttered back. From how quickly the room emptied after the meeting was adjourned, most people seemed to agree. A few milled around, chatting with their acquaintances. Tsunade was deep in conversation with a clan head. Judging from their words, they seemed to be discussing treatment options for his wife.

Sakura decided to stand outside the conference room with Shizune until Tsunade finished her discussion with the man. There wasn't enough time to go back and take a quick nap before 5pm, anyway. As they waited for Tsunade, they saw Kakashi walking towards them at the end of the hallway. Shikamaru trailed after him, looking exhausted and wan. Neither of the two men seemed to notice them. Kakashi had traded his upright posture at the meeting for his usual slouch.

"Don’t slouch," Sakura heard Shikamaru say. “ _Please_.”

Kakashi eyed Shikamaru dubiously. “But you do it all the time,” Kakashi said. He pointed to himself. “Pot.” He pointed at Shikamaru. “Kettle.”

“I don’t drag my robes in the dirt like you do,” Shikamaru retorted, exasperated. “The cleaners said that they’d refuse service the next time they saw silk robes being treated the way you’re treating them right now.”

"Maa, I’m getting on in years, Shikamaru," Kakashi replied. "My poor back curves like a shrimp’s, now.” To Sakura’s amusement, Kakashi began to slouch harder. With the white cloak covering his shoulders, he looked like an oversized duck waddling down the corridor.

"There are still people around," Shikamaru hissed, looking around nervously. When his eye caught Sakura's, he sighed. "You’re going to regret this."

"No one’s around," Kakashi retorted. "I can do whatever I want." 

Then he noticed Shizune and Sakura.

"…Shizune," Kakashi said, slowly straightening up his posture. He nodded a little awkwardly at Sakura. "Sakura."

"Hokage-sama," Sakura replied politely, trying her best not to laugh out loud. From the corner of her eye, she saw Shizune doing the same thing. Behind Kakashi, Shikamaru muttered something incomprehensible under his breath before suddenly yelping.

"Oh, I’m sorry," Kakashi said mildly. "Did I step on your feet? I forgot that you were standing behind me. Silly me."

"Yeah, right," Shikamaru choked out, doubling down in pain. "Owww."

Kakashi ignored his aide and looked down at his resplendent robes rather sadly. "Back to the grind, I suppose," he mumbled. He turned to Sakura suddenly, as if something crossed his mind. "That reminds me—have you been in touch with Naruto? He keeps on sending me cactus shoots to ‘keep Mr. Ukki company.’ Tell him to stop. At this rate, I won’t have enough space on my kitchen counter to eat breakfast.”

Sakura shrugged. "The person Naruto listens to the most isn’t me anymore," she said. "You should send a letter to Hinata."

"Hmm," Kakashi said, sounding unconvinced. "Alright. I’ll try that later." He shifted his robes to stick his hands into his pants pockets.

"For the umpteenth time, put your hands out of your pockets," Shikamaru gritted out, looking like he was about to pop a vein on his forehead. Shizune gave Shikamaru a commiserating pat on the back. 

"Keep up the good work," she told him. "I have to warn you that it won’t get any better with time, though."

Shikamaru raised his eyes skyward. “This is such a drag,” he bemoaned. “I need a drink.”

“No, you don’t,” Kakashi said cheerfully, snagging Shikamaru by the back of his collar. “You’ll be suffering with me for the rest of the day. Come along, now.”

Shikamaru groaned.

*****  
  


"That poor boy needs a nice vacation," Shizune said as they walked into the hospital. "This job isn't aging him well." 

Sakura privately agreed. There were already signs of wrinkles etching themselves into Shikamaru's forehead. She hoped that working with Kakashi didn't traumatize him too much; they still needed someone reliable around when Naruto stepped into power. 

She parted ways with Shizune when they reached the nurses' bay. 

"I’ll be heading out, after I finish a few things,” Shizune said. “Good luck on your shift!"

“Thanks,” Sakura said, and Shizune promptly vanished to finish her paperwork. It was looking to be another busy day today, as Sakura had agreed to see some of Ino’s patients while the other woman was away. Ino had taken two weeks off to visit Suna with her husband and child, as did Naruto, with his own little family of four. The war had taught them all about the ephemerality of life, and it came as no surprise when people began pairing off almost immediately after the last battle was won. Among those were Sai and Ino, and Naruto and Hinata. The only other single person in her graduating class was off gallivanting who knew where, with the exception of Naruto, who had the tact not to mention Sasuke’s name in front of Sakura. 

Sakura was about to head into her office when the new writing on the whiteboard hanging behind the nurses’ bay caught her eye. She groaned when she saw the board. 

“Merry Christmas Eve, bitches,” it read in Tsunade’s impeccable handwriting. “Keep the coffee breaks to a minimum and try not to kill people.” 

Sakura rolled her eyes. 

"Merry fucking Christmas Eve, indeed," she muttered before heading into her office to prepare for her first round of patients. 

The afternoon shift passed by in a flurry of activity. Thankfully, most of the injuries she treated today were minor, mostly caused by the slippery ice on the streets. When the last patient left her office, Sakura stretched her arms and massaged her stiff shoulders. She looked at the clock.

11:59pm. Almost time to leave.

 _Maybe she would have some time tomorrow to order fried chicken and Christmas cake_ , Sakura thought tiredly. The 24 hour convenience store probably had some. Some of the nurses were on duty tomorrow, right? Maybe they could share a sad Christmas dinner of fast food and chiffon cake in between shifts. 

She popped her head out of the door and saw one of the nurses sitting at the bay.

"Hey, Asuka," Sakura said. "Are you coming in tomorrow? I was wondering if--"

* * *

The sound of the rain woke Sakura before the alarm did. She listened to the sky roar its discontent at the world before the alarm beeped softly, flashing 14:00 in bright neon letters. She groaned, then fumbled for the pager next to her pillow before remembering that today was the 24th, which meant that she only had the afternoon shift. 

One hour and 45 more minutes to sleep, then. 

Sakura rolled back into her cocoon of blankets, covering her ears with the covers to muffle the sound of the storm outside. Then something tapped on the window.

_Tap tap, tap tap, tap tap._

She groaned and sat up, rubbing the sleep grit out of her eyes.

Fuuuck.

***** 

She met Shizune on her way to the Hokage Tower, standing in front of the vending machine with two drinks in her hands. Shizune nodded at Sakura in greeting. "You look tired," she observed. "Here, I thought you might need this."

"Thanks," Sakura said gratefully, accepting the can of warm coffee Shizune gave her. She cracked the lid and took a sip. "What’s up?"

"The monthly village council meeting," Shizune informed her. "It was supposed to be next week, but it got rescheduled because Hokage-sama’s trip to Iwagakure got pushed back."

Sakura groaned. "It’s a waste of time for everyone," she said grumpily. "Shishou and the others scream at each other for an hour or two, Kakashi reads porn under the table and absolutely nothing gets accomplished." She looked at the can in her hands. "Why do we even bother going?" She asked it sadly.

Shizune shrugged. "Beats me," she said. "C’mon, Tsunade-sama’s waiti—Hokage-sama?" 

Sakura turned around, bemused, to see Shikamaru dragging Kakashi, trussed like a turkey, into the tower. Shikamaru looked exhausted.

“Oh, hey, Sakura,” Shikamaru said calmly. The expression on his face, however, was anything but calm. 

“…Something happen?” Sakura asked. When he heard her voice, Kakashi ceased to struggle against the black shadows binding his limbs against his body. He looked up hopefully. 

“Sakura,” he begged. “My favorite student. Help me.” 

“Don’t,” Shikamaru warned before Sakura could say anything. To Kakashi, he said, “You have a meeting to attend. The clan heads and the village council are waiting for you."

" _Icha Icha_ is waiting for me,” Kakashi corrected. "The limited edition set with Jiraiya’s signature on all six copies.” He resumed struggling. “I _need_ them, Shikamaru."

“ _No_.”

Kakashi whined plaintively, sounding uncannily like one of his dogs. "Don’t deny an old man his simple pleasures, Shikamaru," he begged. "Look at these white hairs on my head. I’m getting old. This is elder abuse.”

Shikamaru sighed, looking as though he wanted to be anywhere but here. "With all due respect, Hokage-sama, you’re not even 40," he said tiredly. 

"That’s what _you_ think," Kakashi retorted. "My joints say differently. Age is a social construct, kiddo." He frowned at his aide. “Besides, we already had a meeting with the old geezers yesterday. Do they miss me that much?”

Shikamaru looked nonplussed. “ _You_ were the one who wanted to reschedule the meeting to today,” he said. “Besides, the limited collector’s edition isn’t coming out until tomorrow, so you don’t have an excuse to skip out.”

Kakashi froze.

“That can’t be possible,” Kakashi said, looking genuinely confused. “Isn’t today the 25th?”

“It’s the 24th,” Sakura said. Something about the date gave her pause. Something that itched beneath her skin.

“As much as it pains me to tell you, there wasn’t a village meeting yesterday,” Shikamaru informed Kakashi tartly. “You might have dreamed about it while you were taking a nap during working hours.”

Kakashi frowned. “Really?” He asked, before resuming his normal, half-lidded expression. “I see,” he said, sounding resigned. “It’s this again, huh.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Shikamaru said emphatically. “Now, will you or will you behave if I set you free?”

“Fine,” Kakashi muttered, and Shikamaru released the jutsu.

They all entered the conference room at the same time. Kakashi took his seat at the head of the table. 

“Is everyone present?” He asked. When he was met with slight nods and the rustle of fabric, he banged the gavel.

“Then let us begin.”

*****

“….This job isn't aging him well,” Shizune said as they walked into the hospital. Sakura nodded, thinking about Kakashi’s odd behavior a few moments ago. _It was probably the shock of Icha Icha not being released sooner getting to him_ , she thought. Yes, that was it. 

The itch under her skin, however, refused to go away, and as the day went on, it festered. Most of the people Sakura was seeing today were Ino’s patients, whom Sakura had never gotten the chance to interact with previously. For some inexplicable reason, however, she felt as if she had met most of these patients before, with the same complaints and corresponding injuries. One of these patients was an old man that she distinctly remembered treating for a broken ankle quite recently. Sakura examined his foot.

“That’s odd,” she muttered to herself. “I thought I treated this yesterday.” The old man looked perplexed. 

“My ankle was fine yesterday, doctor,” he squeaked. “I wouldn’t have come in if i didn’t sprain it this morning.”

“Really?” Sakura said absently. “Because I could have sworn that I saw you last night, with the same broken ankle.”

The man looked at her cautiously. “Perhaps you’re confusing me with another patient?” he asked.

Sakura hummed noncommittally. “Perhaps,” she said, trying to keep her voice level, trying to stay calm, in control. When the old man left, she picked up the phone and dialed the number of Ino’s hotel. She pressed her ear against the receiver.

“Please pick up, Ino,” she said aloud. Sakura hung up the phone before dialing the numbers again with trembling fingers. She pressed the buttons again, and again, and again, with no result.

She looked at the clock hanging on the wall of her office.

 _11:59_ , it read. The itch crawled under her skin like a centipede. 

Sakura began to whimper. “Ino,” Sakura mumbled. “Ino, please.”

But Ino’s voice didn’t respond. There was no answering ring, no sound to indicate that her call was going through. All Sakura could hear was dead silence.

“Ino,” Sakura said. “Ino--”

And then the clock struck 12.

* * *

The sound of the rain was the first thing Sakura heard when she opened her eyes. She blinked. Something felt off, as if her life was a jigsaw puzzle, and one of the pieces didn’t quite fit.

She shrugged, and went back to sleep.

Something tapped at the window moments later. 

*****

Sakura knew how to look for the hidden threads that held genjutsu together. She didn’t have Sasuke’s fancy eyes or Kakashi’s innate talent, but she possessed tenacity, which was the next best thing. She had the patience to examine the warp and woof of the illusion, to spot the snags, the too perfect imperfections that exposed the genjutsu as the farce it was. 

This world, however, was different. 

It wasn’t like the alternate universe Sasuke’s evil great-great-great whatever had packed them off to, years before. Everything in the world of the Infinite Tsukuyomi had been a little _off_ , from the personalities of its inhabitants to their chakra signals. If she didn’t know any better, she would have said that she wasn’t in a genjutsu.

...Wasn’t she?

“Kai!” Sakura screamed. “Kai, kai, KAI!”

But there was no ripple in the air, no fluctuation of chakra that unmasked the world for the illusion that it should have been. Her surroundings remained...the same. 

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Shizune’s voice hissed next to her. "Are you out of your mind, Sakura?!!" 

It was only then that Sakura realized that she was currently freaking out in the middle of the goddamned conference. 

"...Maybe," Sakura said. "You know what? I don’t know anymore. Excuse me for a second." She turned her back on a flabbergasted Shizune and the curious eyes of the clan leaders and council members, and sprinted out of the building. She headed in the direction of the nearest training ground.

She needed to cool her head down, first. 

Then she would make a plan.

*****

“I heard something crashing into the trees from halfway across the village,” a voice said mildly. “I thought it might have been you. I was right.” 

Sakura looked up at the figure of her former genin teacher perched on top of a tree, orange book ever present. Then she swiped the sweat trickling down her face and ignored him. He wasn’t real, anyway--if anything, the real Kakashi actively sought to avoid one-on-one meetings with her, or anyone, for that matter. When he wasn’t in the Hokage Tower, he was in front of the cenotaph. He didn’t have the luxury to check in on living teammates.

Kakashi sighed. “And here, I was worried about my favorite student hurting herself,” he said, blinking at her lazily. He tucked his garish orange book into his pouch.

“Shut up. I don’t want to hear anything from you,” she growled. “Especially when you’re just a figment of my imagination.” She turned her attention back to the boulder besides her.

Then Kakashi opened his mouth.

"How many times has it been December 24th for you?" He asked, and Sakura stopped mid-throw.

*****

“I think we’re in a dream,” Kakashi said.

Sakura gaped at him. “Excuse me?”

“We’re dreaming, Sakura,” Kakashi said patiently. “Er." He scratched his head sheepishly. "It might be more accurate to say that you’re in _my_ dream.”

Sakura eyed him suspiciously. “How do you know that this is a dream, and not some weird, convoluted genjutsu?" She asked. Kakashi sighed.

“I’ve been having these dreams since forever,” he admitted. “It’s the same, every single time. I wake up, Shikamaru drags me to the village meeting, then back to work...and then I wake up. But lately, I've been waking up to..." he gestured vaguely with his hands, " _this_ , over and over again.” He looked at her. “And then you started acting differently. That’s how I knew that you weren’t part of my dream. "

"...Pfft."

Kakashi looked surprised. "Are you...laughing?" He asked. "Sakura, I realize that this...situation might be, err, stressful--"

Sakura continued to cackle. "Shikamaru would have a field day with this," she wheezed. "I called it, Kakashi. It's _karma_."

"...Seriously, Sakura?" Kakashi said, looking nonplussed. "Seriously?"

When Sakura finally calmed down, Kakashi filled her on the other things that he noticed about the dream world. For some reason, phone calls out of Konoha were not possible, as Sakura had previously discovered when she tried to call Ino a few iterations ago. Secondly, ninken couldn't be summoned--Kakashi couldn't contact Pakkun and the other dogs, no matter how hard he tried.

Sakura leaned her back against the boulder. "What do we do now?" she asked bleakly, despite knowing the answer. "Can we find something in the library? Does the library even exist?"

Kakashi shrugged. "I've already tried, but you're welcome to try again," he said laconically. He had taken out Icha Icha a few minutes ago, and was perusing it with great interest. He flipped another page.

"I'll go do that," Sakura decided, rising up and dusting off the seat of her leggings. "It's better than doing nothing, anyway."

"Suit yourself," Kakashi said. He raised a hand lazily in farewell without looking up from his book. "See you later."

*****

When Kakashi wandered into the library a few hours later, he found Sakura slumped on one of the long tables, next to an impressive stack of books. Sakura shifted her head to look him mournfully.

“There’s nothing," she told him. "Absolutely nothing. The little that I could find on dreams was in the First Hokage's diaries, and those were just about him raving about how magnificently strong his wife was. All I got from it was that he may have been a masochist." She turned away from him and buried her head in between her folded arms.

"I'm so tired," she told the table. She felt the onslaught of tears beginning to prickle her eyes. She was so, so tired of everything--of the continuous loop of December 24, of the stupid meetings, of that irritating itch crawling under her skin. It was as if it was trying to warn her about something that she just couldn't recall, no matter how many iterations she went through.

She heard a crinkle of plastic, and she looked up. There was a plastic bag in front of her that smelled absolutely fucking delicious.

"On second thought, maybe you shouldn't have this," Kakashi said. "I hear that dango's a choking hazard." He reached to move the bag away, but Sakura grabbed his wrist, preventing him from taking it away.

"No," she said. She sniffled. "I want it." She was vaguely aware that she was being petulant, but it had been a long day, and if Hatake Kakashi was going to give her free food out of his own volition, then she was going to eat it, goddammit.

Kakashi ruffled her hair fondly. The weight of his hand on her head was reassuring, and Sakura felt some of the tension leave her body.

*****

"You're taking this all surprisingly well," Sakura told Kakashi, when they had finished devouring the mitarashi dango that Kakashi had bought. "Considering that this is your personal hell, if your theory holds."

Kakashi huffed softly. "Life tends to spring fewer surprises on you as you get older," he said. "Besides, when life gives you lemons, the only thing you need to do is make lemonade out of them."

"What’s there to make lemonade out of?" Sakura asked, bemused. "We’re reliving the same day over and over again. There's nothing we can do."

Kakashi put his hands into his pockets. "I can think of at least five things off the top of my head," he said slowly.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "I’m guessing re-reading Icha Icha is at the top of the list," she muttered.

Kakashi gave her an eye crease. "It’s one of the top three," he admitted. "But not at the very top."

"Oh. What’s at the very top, then?" Sakura asked, curiosity piqued.

Her former teacher just gave her a smirk and another one of those annoying eye crinkles. "Wouldn’t you like to know," he said.

"You’re never going to tell me, are you?" Sakura sighed. Cagey old bastard.

Kakashi ruffled her hair again. "It’s a secret," he agreed solemnly.

"What was your plan, then?" Sakura asked. Kakashi shrugged. 

"Make a list of everything you want to do and follow it," he said. "At least, that's what I've been doing. It's been working out pretty well, if you don't count the number of times Shikamaru's caught me and dragged me back to work."

"Doesn't that get boring fast?" Sakura asked, feeling a tad sorry for Kakashi.

"A little," Kakashi admitted. "Which is where you come in." He crinkled his eyes at her. "So make a list of five things you want to do, and I'll make my own. Play with me, Sakura-chan, I'm bored."

Sakura laughed despite herself.

Someone's stomach rumbled in the silence. Flushing, Sakura looked guiltily at Kakashi, who quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Dinner?" he asked.

Sakura glanced at him distrustfully. "I’m not paying for you this time," she said. Kakashi looked crestfallen.

"You wound me, Sakura," he said, mock-sorrowfully.

"Yeah, well, you still owe Naruto for the ramen last week," Sakura retorted. She suppressed her shudder as she felt the itch under her skin move again.

 _It was nothing_ , she told herself. It was just something in her head--nerves firing, sending a cascade of chemical signals that made the muscles under her skin twitch irregularly. That was all it was.

She just didn't know why she felt so uneasy whenever she thought about the time.

Then…

“I’ll buy dinner,” Kakashi said nonchalantly, as if he hadn’t just bought dango and offered to pay for dinner just now. “If you’re fine with Ichiraku Ramen, that is.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking bored. 

“...As long as you’re paying for it,” Sakura mumbled. 

“Excellent,” came the reply. “They’re closing up for the night, so we’d better hurry. Come on, now. Up we go.” 

“Yes, yes,” Sakura grumbled, pulling herself out of her seat.

Somehow, she didn’t feel the itch anymore.

* * *

_She was beginning to hate the sound of the rain_ , Sakura thought irritably when she woke up on the 24th again. She turned off the alarm and went to change, before heading to the Hokage Tower.

She found Kakashi napping inside his office. He cracked an eye open when she entered the room.

"I'm surprised at how quickly you picked up Shikamaru's habits," Sakura said. Kakashi looked mildly offended.

"Shikamaru learned this from _me_ ," he said. "Napping while on the clock is a skill that takes years to perfect."

"That, and reading porn on the job," Sakura muttered.

"It’s called being efficient, Sakura," Kakashi returned. "You’ll understand when you become my age, one day." He stretched in place. "So, have you thought about your list yet?"

"...My list?" Sakura said, taken aback. Kakashi slowly blinked at her.

"Yes," he said. "You don't expect to attend the meetings all the time, do you?"

"Well, no," Sakura admitted. 

“Maa, take your time,” Kakashi said placidly. "We have all the time in the world." He smiled. “We can do mine, first.”

"What's on your list of things to do?" Sakura asked. "...Do I want to know?"

Kakashi’s eyes crinkled happily.

*****

"…I can’t believe this was your number one priority," Sakura muttered. They were standing in front of the empty Uzumaki house, preparing to break in through one of the windows on the second story.

Their goal? Stealing back old paperbacks of Icha Icha that Naruto had filched from Kakashi from a long time ago.

"You realize that you don't really need to steal these back," Sakura pointed out as they leapt onto the roof of Naruto’s house. "Don't you have at least three copies of each book at home?"

"It’s for the memories, Sakura," Kakashi replied, hoisting himself on the window ledge on the second story.

"Oh. Like the time Naruto barfed all over that copy of Icha Icha Violence?"

Kakashi winced. "Not that particular memory," he said. "On second thought, he can keep that one. I want the other books back, though."

They deactivated the traps and snuck through the window. Sakura led Kakashi to Naruto’s study on the second floor. Naruto was clearly hard at work on his latest novel, judging from the sheets of paper strewn haphazardly on his desk. Sakura glanced at the sheet closest to her and read the last paragraph:

 _He ran her fingers through her hair, and marveled at how soft, how cool to the touch it was, like a skein of silk_ , Naruto’s untidy scrawl ran. _But it wasn’t just her long, black hair that was lovely. Everything about her—her eyes, like moonlit opals; her voice, like bells; her kindness, as vast as the sea—was beautiful._

Only a handful of people knew that Naruto wrote the Icha Icha novels that came after Jiraiya's last book. Most of them were shocked by the fact that Naruto wrote _well_ , although they really shouldn’t have been. Naruto understood the human psyche better than most--he had seen so many sides of it growing up, after all. He had insisted on continuing the series in honor of Jiraiya’s memory: 80% of the royalties went to the effort in restructuring Amegakure, the remaining 20% to the Konoha orphanage.

Sakura wondered if Hinata knew that she was starring in the next volume of Icha Icha, or this was just Naruto putting down his sex fantasies about his wife down on paper. She shuddered. She really preferred not to know.

They eventually found all five of Kakashi's dog-eared books after rummaging through Naruto's things. Kakashi handled each and every one of them with tender, loving care, as if they were newborn children.

"You don't have the sixth book?" Sakura asked. Naruto had sent her a copy sometime ago, she knew, but she hadn't had the time to read it. Kakashi shook his head, frowning slightly.

"I know that I've read it, once," he said. "I just can't find it here." For a moment, he looked uncertain.

Sakura poked around Naruto's desk. "He's a good writer," she said. "Naruto. I didn't get the chance to read the sixth book, but I read the fourth and fifth volumes. I heard that the sixth one got good reviews." She frowned. The feedback was mostly positive, she knew, but Naruto had touched on some controversial issues in his latest novel that raised some hackles.

What was it about, again?

Kakashi shrugged. "It's good," he said brusquely. "But I wouldn't read it again."

Sakura stared at him. "But it's Icha Icha," she said, dumbfounded. "That's like your bible."

Kakashi cleared his throat. "Some wishes should remain as dreams," he said, looking a little uncomfortable.

“...Well, if you say so,” Sakura replied. She frowned.

She was forgetting something, she knew. She just didn't know what it was.

* * *

"What's next on your list of things to do?" Sakura asked.

"Buying spray paint and toilet paper," Kakashi said cheerfully. When Sakura glanced distrustfully at him, he added, "don't worry. We'll be doing things that are totally safe."

"Hmm," Sakura said, unconvinced. Kakashi giggled. 

"Oh, you'll like this," he said. "Trust me."

*****

They looked at the massive sculpture of Naruto's head on the Hokage Memorial that had suddenly conjured itself out of the rock wall after Kakashi made a few complex hand signs. 

"Turns out that being Hokage comes with its own set of perks," he said. Sakura's jaw dropped when she saw it.

"Woaaah," she breathed. "I can't believe that they actually made him look _smart._ "

"I know, right?" Kakashi said. He shook the metal canister in his hand. The label read 'E-Z Spray: Land of Fire Orange' in letters as eye wateringly bright as Naruto's tracksuit. 

"I can't believe I never noticed this before," Sakura said, admiring the complex array of seals that covered Naruto's face. "This is all seal work?"

"Mhm," Kakashi confirmed. "They're hiding it from the public until I step down and Naruto officially becomes Hokage." He pressed the nozzle experimentally, and the can sprayed bright orange paint all over the ground. He looked up at Sakura.

"You're getting back at Naruto for graffitiing all over your sculpture?" Sakura said, not even surprised at this point. The Copy Ninja was a petty man. Woe to the unfortunate ones who didn't know.

"Of course I am," Kakashi replied, eyes turning into crescents. "Care to join?"

Sakura saw the outline of a wide smile through his mask, and her heart thumped.

"Might as well go out with a bang," Sakura said, trying to not think about the implications of that _thump_. She smirked. "Naruto would never see this coming."

"No," Kakashi agreed, "he wouldn't," and gave her a fist bump.

*****

When they were done, they surveyed their artwork from a distance.

"It's beautiful," Sakura said, cackling. Naruto now sported an impressive black handlebar moustache, an orange unibrow and curly orange hairs from his nose, ears and eyes, as well as face tattoos that read "BELIEVE IT" in blue capital letters. The toilet paper turban on top of his head completed the look. 

"It is, isn't it?" Kakashi agreed, looking proudly at their masterpiece. At some point, he had taken off his mask; there was a beauty mark near his lower lip.

"...Yes," Sakura agreed, staring at Kakashi's side profile for a few seconds before tearing her eyes away from his face. "It is." She'd seen his face before, and she knew that he was handsome, but--did he usually look this perfect?

Kakashi didn’t seem to notice her odd behavior; if he did, he didn’t comment on it.

"Hand me the black spray can, will you?" He asked, turning his perfect face around to look at her, and her stomach flipped. "I forgot to add something."

Caught off-guard, she fumbled for the black can at her side before handing it to him.

"Thanks," he said. His fingers overlapped with her own, and for a moment, Sakura was acutely aware of how large Kakashi's hand was, how his touch electrified her skin.

Kakashi peered at her.

"You okay there?" he asked. Sakura closed her eyes. 

"Yep," she said. "Just, uh, heatstroke. I'll go sit down in the shade for a little bit."

Fuuuuuck.

* * *

For one iteration, they elected to spend one night on top of the Hokage Memorial to watch the sunset. Kakashi took Sakura up to his favorite spot (the Fourth's left nostril), and the two watched the sun descent into slumber and the night sky gradually fill up with the light from thousands of stars. 

It was beautiful.

They watched as the stars glimmered, flickering slightly in the velvet expanse. Kakashi pointed out a shooting star, in the distance. 

"One of my old teammates used to make wishes upon shooting stars," he said quietly. He grinned suddenly, lost in his memories. "Not that any of them ever came true." They sat in silence for a moment, watching the stars streak across the sky.

“If you could wish for anything,” Sakura said, quietly, “what would you wish for?”

"...The signed limited edition box set of Icha Icha," Kakashi replied after a startled pause. "Audio drama CDs included." He looked defensively back at Sakura when she gave him a suspicious glance. "What?"

"That’s the one coming out tomorrow, right?" Sakura asked. She paused before amending her statement. "The one that’s _supposed_ to come out tomorrow. I saw you send in the mail order form months ago. You ordered three sets." She gave him a look. "You don't need four sets of Icha Icha."

"Four is ideal," Kakashi said serenely. "One set to read at the office, one to read while traveling, one to read in the bathroom, and one to marvel at from afar."

Sakura harrumphed. Kakashi eyed her curiously.

"What about you?" He asked. Sakura flushed and turned her head away.

“...Nothing special,” she mumbled, avoiding eye contact with Kakashi.

There was a dim memory of something, something important, trying to push itself out of the debris of her mind and into her consciousness. There was something she desperately needed to tell Kakashi, she knew. Something important.

But whatever it was, it kept eluding her, like a shadow.

What, exactly, was she forgetting?

* * *

The more Sakura noticed Kakashi, the more she became aware of certain aspects that she hadn't noticed. It wasn't as if she was blind, before. It was a known fact that she had a thing for guys with enough emotional baggage that could fit inside an entire clan compound. There were just certain boundaries to respect: boundaries between senior and junior, teacher and student, superior and subordinate. But now, with just the two of them, she began to notice things. 

She learned, for example, that Kakashi was a natural tease, and the man didn't even know it. 

*****

They stood on the training ground. It was Sakura's turn to pick an activity for the day, and she had decided on a one-on-one match, for old times' sake. Most of her day was spent in the hospital, so she was getting a little rusty. 

She charged at him, fist aglow with chakra, adrenaline coursing through her veins. He easily sidestepped her, blocking her fist with one arm.

"You're getting soft," Kakashi commented over the din of the fighting. "That all you got?" But she noticed that his breath was slightly uneven after parrying her attack. 

She smirked. 

"Oh, I'll show you," she said. She narrowed her eyes. 

***** 

They lay in the field, panting heavily. Well, at least Sakura was. Kakashi's breathing had returned to normal, but he still joined her on the field to watch the clouds moving above them. The rain had stopped, for a brief period of time, but the sky above was still a stormy gray. It wasn't the best idea to lay down on the wet ground, but Sakura was tired. She stretched out her aching limbs. 

Kakashi sighed. "Maybe it's time to retire," he said. He stretched out an arm to pat her head. "This old man can't keep up with you young people anymore."

"Don't be ridiculous," Sakura shot back, but she glowed inside. It was a nice compliment, even if he was just being nice. 

Kakashi slowly sat up and brushed the wet soil and grass off his vest, before moving to pull off his gloves. He had switched to wearing long, wrist length black gloves instead of his usual fingerless ones. He frowned when the fabric stubbornly stuck to his sweat-slicked skin. 

"Need help?" Sakura asked, amusedly watching Kakashi struggle to pull off a glove with one hand. 

"Nah," he said lazily. "I got this." He bent his head down to nip the finger of his glove with his teeth, before slowly pulling it off in one fluid motion. He caught Sakura staring stupidly at him.

"Something wrong?" Kakashi asked, voice muffled, and slightly gravelly from the previous exertion of activity. The sweat had tamed his flyaway hair, so that he looked like he had just come out of a shower. Sakura flushed and quickly averted her eyes.

"Nope," Sakura said, stubbornly looking at anything other than the glove between Kakashi’s teeth. She didn't know if her heart could take it any longer. "One more round?"

Kakashi’s eyes widened. He let out a whimper.

"Really?” he asked disbelievingly. “Again?”

"Yes," Sakura said firmly. "Again."

She desperately needed to do something about this, because she couldn't afford to make mistakes. Not again. Not like Sasuke.

Kakashi groaned before rising to his feet. "This is the last one, though," he said, looking at Sakura warily. "No more. My joints aren't the same as they were eight years ago, Sakura-chan."

"They'll be fine tomorrow," Sakura retorted. "Taijutsu only, this time."

They met again in a whirl of fists and kicks, and Sakura lost herself in the thrill of the fight, the pain, the tightness in her chest all due to the shortness of breath. _This was what she craved_ , she told herself desperately, _this was what she wanted. Just this._

Then, without warning, Kakashi's leg shot out, and Sakura stumbled, flailing backwards. That stumble caused her a few precious seconds that he used to jab at some of her pressure points, immobilizing her limbs. They fell in a disheveled heap, Kakashi's weight pinning her to the ground. Before she could retaliate, he pinned her arms against her sides with his thighs and sat on top of her, either arm against the side of her face. He looked at her squarely in the eye.

"Caught you," he said. He flashed her a toothy grin, a gorgeous smile that Sakura couldn’t appreciate in the moment because she was _pissed_. 

"That's cheating!" Sakura sputtered, too indignant to realize how close Kakashi's body was, how hard his breath was, how his eyes were locked on hers with an intensity that she had never seen before. "Kakashi--"

The rest of her words faded away as his mouth closed in upon hers. 

When they finally broke apart, Sakura couldn't do anything but stare at Kakashi blankly, trying to make sense of everything in her head.

"Kakashi, you just--did you...." 

Kakashi looked horrified.

"I..." he started. "I..." He closed his mouth. Then the bastard had the audacity to disappear without warning, in a flash of skeleton leaves.

The rain appeared a beat later, with impeccable timing.

Sakura lay there in stunned silence, rain pounding against her skin, feeling very, very confused. 

Did he just...?

And he...?

She sat up, still dazed.

Well, _fuck_.

She winced as her head started to pound. 

*****

_Days went by, then weeks, and before anyone knew, months passed by. Sakura traded summer shorts and tank tops for light cardigans, then the standard jonin vest. The leaves of the trees outside Kakashi's window turned yellow, then orange, then red before curling into themselves and crumpling to the ground. With the demise of autumn came the advent of winter, all blustery winds and icy sleet._

_The only thing that remained the same was Kakashi, lying eerily still on the hospital bed._ _Kakashi was lazy, true, but he was never inactive. The Kakashi of the present, however, was waxy, pale, dead all but in name._

_He had been like that for months._

_Sometimes, his eyes twitched under his lids, and whenever this happened, Naruto would throw a big fuss. Tsunade, though, would shake her head._

_"He's dreaming," she would tell Naruto. "Calm down."_

_Sakura wondered what he was dreaming about, sometimes._ Was he thinking about her? _She thought idly, then berated herself for the stupid thought. There were other things Kakashi would dream about, like reading Icha Icha, or, perhaps, doing work. She smirked at the thought of Kakashi trapped in an endless loop of drudgery._

_Shikamaru would call it karma._

_"Happy Christmas Eve, Kakashi," Sakura told him one day after her shift. She had traded shifts with another doctor, so that she could sit by his bedside and count down the hours until midnight with him. Naruto was gone on his family trip to Suna, visiting Gaara._

_There was a meteorite shower tonight, and she watched the stars arch across the night sky through the window. People made wishes upon shooting stars, she knew; whether the superstition was true or not, she had no idea._

_She glanced at Kakashi. His eyes were moving around, again._

_"If I could go inside your dream right now, to tell you that I loved you," she said quietly. "Would you wake up?"_

_When he remained silent, she sighed._

_Wishes never came true, she knew. At least for her._

*****

_The vase of yellow sunflowers indicated that today was Naruto's day to visit Kakashi. It was an unspoken rule among Team Seven to not disturb the member visiting their former sensei, and so when Sakura came by to change Kakashi's sheets, she waited by the door. From the corridor, Sakura saw how Naruto shivered as he looked at the pale figure lying prone in bed. No matter how many times he visited the hospital, Naruto could never get used to Kakashi's stillness._

_"...Kakashi sensei, you're a real bastard, dattebayo," Sakura heard Naruto say. "You were supposed to be this awesome cool dude who knew a bajillion ways to kill people and steal lunches from your poor innocent students." He sniffled. "You still owe me for gyoza and ramen from last week, you know?"_

_Kakashi didn't respond._

_"Sakura-chan doesn’t even smile anymore," Naruto continued. "You liked seeing her smile, right? We've all made her mad, and sad, and sometimes we make her cry, but Bastard and Sai and I have never made her this sad. This, this is all your fault, alright? You have to take responsibility when you wake up. I don't want to see her look like that ever again."_

_Naruto grumbled for a little more before pulling out a sheaf of papers. There was a pause._

_"If this doesn't embarrass you into waking up, I dunno what would," he told the comatose figure lying on the bed. "Not even Teuchi's extra-extra-extra special Naruto combo could make me feel better after writing this, and that's how much I love you, dattebayo. So you better get up, Kakashi-sensei. This is VVVIP treatment, you hear?! I don't write personalized porn for free, not even for the Fire Daimyo."_

_Naruto exhaled._

_"I am not cheating on my wife, I am not cheating on my wife, I am not cheating on my wife by reading porn I wrote for my dearly beloved teacher about said teacher with the girl I had a crush on for twelve years," he muttered under his breath. He shuddered. Then he cleared his throat and began to read aloud._

_"_ The sound of the rain woke Sakura before the alarm did _," he read. "_ The rain started off as a deceptive trickle... _"_

_But not even the sneak peek of the special deluxe, only for VVVIP customers edition of Icha Icha woke Kakashi up. Their teacher continued to slumber, oblivious to Naruto's unnecessarily melodramatic, smutty tale of a hot-tempered kunoichi and her lazy ass of a teacher._

_No one noticed the small figure crumpled in the hallway, trying hard not to cry._

_*****_

When her head cleared up, Sakura scrambled to her feet and began to walk toward the direction of the cenotaph, where Kakashi was sure to be.

There were a shit-ton of memories to sort out, things that she would rather not remember. She suppressed all of the feelings that welled up inside her, all of the hurt and the pain and the memories of a pale figure, lying on a hospital bed, and trudged on.

She finally remembered what she had to do. 

* * *

"Where is he?" Sakura asked without preamble. Shikamaru cracked open an eye.

"Well, hello to you too," he said sarcastically. They were in the Hokage Tower, and Shikamaru was the only occupant of the Hokage's office. Kakashi, though, was nowhere to be seen.

Typical.

Sakura sighed. "Shikamaru, just tell me where he is," she said. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

"Do you think I would be here if I knew?" He said rhetorically.

"...Probably not," Sakura admitted. "But he isn't at any of the places I've checked so far, not even the cenotaph. Just--Shikamaru, please. At least just tell me where he lives. Apparently he doesn't live at his old place anymore. I just swung by fifteen minutes ago."

"He didn't tell you?" Shikamaru asked, looking slightly surprised. "Huh."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "We're Team Seven," she reminded him. "We have trust issues, remember?"

"Oh, right," Shikamaru muttered. "How could I ever forget." 

He looked at her for a moment. 

"You can't go back after this," he said. "Are you sure about this, Sakura?"

"Yes," she said quietly. "I am."

Shikamaru yawned before giving her the address to Kakashi's new apartment. "If the Hokage kills me for telling you, you get to be the happy person to tell Temari," he said.

"Thanks," Sakura said gratefully. "I owe you one, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru waved an arm tiredly. "Just make him finish all of the Suna paperwork by 6," he said. "I'll take a nap until he comes back." He closed his eyes.

"The things I do for my country, sometimes," Sakura heard him mutter as she dashed past him. She paused for a second before continuing on her way.

 _Strange_ , she thought. For a second, she thought that she saw Shikamaru's ear flicker.

It must have been a trick of the shadows.

* * *

Kakashi's new apartment looked like an exact replica of his old one, except that this place was located in the exact opposite direction. Sakura banged on the door.

"Kakashi!" She called. "I know you're in there." She knocked on the door again. "Hello? Kakashiiii. Hello?"

No one answered. She rolled her eyes.

"HATAKE KAKASHI, YOU COWARD, STOP HIDING!" She shrieked. "KAKASHI YOU STUPID STUPID MAN, OPEN THE GODDAMNED--"

Then the door opened, and Kakashi popped his head out, eyes half-lidded and expressionless, as though absolutely nothing had happened between them since the last time they had met. The mask was back on. 

"I thought I told Shikamaru not to tell any of you where I lived," Kakashi said flatly, folding his arms across his chest. He didn't offer her tea or refreshments. Not that she was expecting him to.

Sakura shrugged. "I asked nicely," she said simply. "So. Are we or are we not going to talk about what happened at the training field?"

Kakashi noticeably stiffened.

"...That was my fault," he said after a wooden pause. "It was the adrenaline."

"Bullshit," Sakura said. "Kakashi, I'm not an idiot. Naruto isn't an idiot, and Shikamaru certainly is not an idiot. Why do you think he even gave me your home address, despite the fact that it meant that he was going against your orders?"

"I..." Kakashi began, before falling into a sullen silence.

Sakura looked at him. "What do you really want to say, Kakashi?" She said. "I know how you look at me, sometimes, and I know that _you_ know how _I_ look at you. So tell me."

"I...can't," Kakashi choked out, looking furious at himself.

"Why not?"

"Because I was your teacher," Kakashi snapped. "I taught you when you were thirteen. I watched over you break your heart over a boy who didn't understand what he was losing." He sighed, raking his fingers through his hair. "You have the whole world in front of you, now, Sakura. You're strong. Beautiful. Smart. I don't want to be the one holding you back." 

He looked at her tiredly. "What you have, Sakura, is just a crush," he said. "An infatuation with an old man that won't amount to anything."

Sakura _growled_.

"Listen to me, Kakashi Hatake," she said. "To set the record straight, yes, you were my genin teacher, but you only taught me how to throw fights that I couldn't possibly win on my own, and walk on trees and the surfaces of large bodies of water. Everything else, I learned from Tsunade. So technically, you weren't really my teacher." 

She glared at him.

“You think this is a crush?” Sakura repeated, voice rising. “Do you know what happened to you in the real world, outside of this bubble that you’ve created for yourself?”

Kakashi didn't say anything, but Sakura knew that he was listening. 

"You’re in a coma right now, Kakashi,” Sakura told him. “There was an accident. Something happened to you on the way back from a Hokage summit, and somehow you, just… your body was alive, all your vitals were normal, but you? You were gone. You were gone for _months_. Naruto even called Sasuke back to the village, to see if he could do anything about it, but there was nothing we could do to bring you back.” She stopped before her voice began to crack.

“I didn’t realize how much I missed you until you were gone,” Sakura resumed. “I missed your dumb jokes, your laugh, the way your smile lights up your face. The way you keep all of the cacti Naruto sends you, even though you complain about not having enough space on your kitchen counter. The way you compete with Gai on the stupidest things so seriously. You may be an old pervert who enjoys reading Icha Icha for the porn and the shock value, but you also read it because it reminds you of the Fourth, and because it encourages Naruto to keep on writing. You not being there made me realize how much I look at you, how much I look _for_ you.” She sniffled, despite herself. “It’s been really hard, you know? I had to watch you lie there like a dead person, and I-I tried so many different things, Kakashi, but you…you just--.”

Kakashi's arms enveloped her. He smelled like fresh grass and ozone, with a faint whiff of what Sakura thought was Floral Green shampoo.

"It's okay," he said gently. He patted her trembling back awkwardly. "I'm here now, aren't I?"

Sakura sniffled, before pulling away from Kakashi to glare at him. "So don't you dare say what I feel towards you is just an infatuation," she said. "I love you, you stupid idiot, and I won't take that back."

"You're in the prime of your youth,” he weakly repeated, but Sakura could tell that some of her words were getting to him.

"So what?" Sakura demanded. "I’m free to love whomever I want, and age isn’t going to get in the way of it. Besides, age is a social construct, Kakashi. You said so yourself.” 

Kakashi didn’t say anything, but he hugged her tighter. Sakura returned the hug. 

She ignored her flickering right hand, just as she ignored Shikamaru's ear, or the faces of the people she had met on the streets before arriving at Kakashi's door: features wiped clean, like a blank slate.

The dream, she knew, was collapsing.

* * *

Slowly, very slowly, the dream world unraveled. 

Each iteration began to chip away at their bodies. They woke up each day to another part of themselves missing: an eye today, a finger the next day. Both of them could usually tell which part was going to go, by the way it numbed, first, before losing its function, their flesh turning opaque, then translucent, like sea glass. Sakura’s remaining hand flickered from time to time; it was getting harder and harder to sense, to touch. She had lost the other one long ago.

Both of them knew that the end was near. But before that, there were moments to savor, moments to live.

*****

Her breath materialized in the air, cloudy puffs that escaped the scarf that covered the lower half of her face. Sakura shivered. Moments later, Kakashi’s arms wrapped around her shoulders, strong, comforting.

"Better?" He asked.

"Mmm," she agreed, leaning in closer to his chest. She reached out and threaded her fingers of her right hand through his fingers of his left. He gave her a reassuring squeeze.

Sakura watched as the moon burst into a thousand shards that embedded themselves in the night sky, before trickling down like quicksilver. She dutifully relayed the information to Kakashi.

"The moon exploded like a crystal ball," she told him. "The pieces scattered all across the sky glitter like diamonds against velvet. Now they’ve melted, like the first snowflakes that touch the ground."

Kakashi cocked his blindfolded head and sniffed the air. He’d adjusted his eyepatch so that it would cover the hollows of his eye sockets. 

"I know," he said simply. "It smells like sulfur and smoke." Sakura squeezed his hand. They sat in silence.

The rain began to fall. 

“I lied, you know,” Kakashi said conversationally, as if the world wasn’t falling apart and it was just a normal day, just the two of them, huddling together for warmth on a chilly winter day. “When you asked me what I wished for.” 

Sakura grinned faintly. “I knew it,” she crowed. Kakashi chuckled and ruffled her hair. She twisted around to look at him, even though she knew he couldn’t see her. 

“What did you wish for, then?” She asked.

Kakashi raised his hand and caressed her cheek tenderly. “You, of course,” he said, before giving her a kiss on the nose. “It was always you.” He cracked a smile. “Now don’t ruin the moment by telling me that you wished for Sasuke.”

Sakura laughed and elbowed him in the ribs. “Don’t be silly, Kakashi,” she said. “You know what my wish was.”

For a moment, he looked lost, uncertain. “Are you sure you want me?” He asked. “This isn’t a dream, is it?”

Sakura kissed his lips. “Of course I do,” she said softly.

They sat there for a while.

It was getting harder to move her limbs, Sakura noticed. She looked down to see her entire body flickering faintly, like a lightbulb about to go out. The raindrops began to phase through her body. Kakashi, too, was slowly becoming opaque. 

The end was fast approaching.

"Hey, Kakashi?" Sakura said. 

"...Hm?"

"I love you," she said. She felt Kakashi’s lips shift against her hair. He pried his hand from her grip to secure her in a tighter embrace.

“Don’t let go of me, okay?”

In response, his hand tightened around hers.

"I won’t," he replied.

"Promise?" Sakura asked. "Do you really promise?"

Kakashi's voice was slowly fading, drowned out by the pitter-patter of rainfall.

"Yes," He said. “I promise.”

The last thing Sakura heard was the sound of the rain.

* * *

She woke up to the familiar sound of the rain drumming against the window. It was dark outside, stormy gray clouds covering the sky. Sakura blinked a few times in surprise before bolting upright.

"I’m…not...dead," she said. She looked down incredulously at her hands, both solid and _whole_ , as if that grisly piecemeal death never happened.

"You’re up," a familiar voice said, and Sakura whipped her head around to the doorway. Shizune was standing there, with a fondly exasperated expression on her face.

"Shizune?" Sakura said, wonderingly. "You’re…you’re alive."

"Why wouldn’t I be?" Shizune asked, looking bemused. "The traps on the window closest to the garbage cans are getting a little rusty, by the way. You might want to reset those later."

When Sakura continued to gape at her, Shizune raised a brow. "Everything okay?"

"Uh, thanks, I guess?" Sakura said, still slightly confused by everything. "Why are you here?"

Shizune shrugged. "You tell me," she said. "Suzu told me that you never showed up to your shift yesterday. I came over to see you sleeping like a baby." She smiled. "I couldn’t bear to wake you. You didn’t even move when I opened the door."

"...I don’t know what’s going on.” 

"Rest up. There are energy drinks and bakery buns on the kitchen table," Shizune said. "Oh, and don’t worry about making up that shift—Nanami covered for you, as thanks for covering for her last week."

"Wait, Shizune!" Sakura shouted after her, and Shizune turned around. “How is he?”

“How is who?” Shizune asked with a confused expression on her face.

“Kakashi. How is he?”

Shizune shrugged. “He seemed pretty fine to me this morning,” she said. “Some muscle atrophy, but that’s a given, with all of the bedrest he’s had until yesterday.”

“Yesterday?”

Shizune looked strangely at her. “Yes, yesterday,” she said. “Kakashi woke up from his coma. Didn’t you know?”

But Sakura didn’t hear a thing. 

He was okay. Kakashi was okay. 

_He was alive._

“Sakura, are you alright?“ Shizune asked, looking concerned. “Hey. Are you…crying?"

“Allergies,” Sakura lied, sniffling.

“In the middle of winter,” Shizune said skeptically. “Oookay.”

“One more thing,” Sakura said. She hesitated. “What...day is it today?"

"The 25th,” Shizune replied. "It’s Christmas Day, Sakura. Are you sure you’re okay?"

*****

It took more than a few minutes to convince Shizune that no, she wasn’t going insane, and yes, she was going to get enough rest today. By the time Shizune left, the rain had stopped. The clouds didn’t disperse; it was probably going to rain again, soon. But before then, Sakura had a place to get to.

She found herself in front of Kakashi’s apartment. Before Sakura even rang the bell, though, the door opened, and a pair of strong arms enveloped her tightly. Kakashi’s familiar scent washed over her.

"…Sakura," Kakashi said hoarsely. "Sakura.”

"You’re here," she said, voice cracking. She offered a broken laugh. "We’re here."

He hugged her fiercely. "Yes," he said. "We are."

They stood like that for a while, like travelers bracing themselves against a stiff, winter wind, until the rain started again. When they felt the first few drops of rain on their faces, Kakashi stirred.

"Let’s go inside," he said. "Want tea?"

Sakura managed a shaky nod. "Tea sounds good," she said.

"Excellent," Kakashi replied, reluctantly releasing her from his embrace, as if he was afraid that she would disappear into thin air if he didn’t hold onto her. "I’ll go put on some hot water. Wrap yourself in the blanket on the sofa, it’s a little cold inside."

She sat down on the sofa and covered herself in the lap blanket folded neatly on top of the sofa arm. Kakashi puttered around the kitchen for a few minutes before coming over with steaming green tea in cracked mugs. The warmth helped settle the queasiness in Sakura’s stomach.

"What happened to us?" Sakura asked after a moment, holding her mug between her hands. She looked at Kakashi. "But we’re out of the loop, right? I’m not—I’m not, we're not in your dream again, are we? Life can’t be _that_ much of a bitch."

"If it is, I’d like to keep all of my body parts intact this time, please," Kakashi said, shuddering. "Once was enough."

"…Do you mind if I make a call?" Sakura asked, eyeing the phone on the coffee table. When Kakashi shook his head, she stretched over to grab the phone from its handle. She hesitated before dialing a seven digit number.

_Please, pick up. Please._

After a few rings, the receiver clicked.

"Hello?"

"…It’s me, Ino," Sakura said, trying to keep her voice from trembling.

"Forehead! How’s it going? Merry Christmas!!" Ino chirped brightly. "Suna is disgustingly hot, but Inojin and Sai love it here. Bleh. How did you manage six months of this, Sakura? It’s only been a week and a half, but I’ve already packed my bags to go back, haha."

"Mostly because Tsunade promised me a month’s worth of paid vacation."

"WHAT? A MONTH?!! I had to beg on my knees to get a _week_ of vacation!!" Ino shrieked. Her voice abruptly changed from outraged to bemused. "But, Sakura, your number’s different. You’re not calling from your home or the hospital? It’s pretty late, there, too. It’s, like, 10?

"…Wait. Oh, my _god_."

Sakura sighed.

"Foreheaaaad," Ino squealed, sounding _very_ audibly excited. "You met someone? You sly _bitch_. Spill. Is he cute? Do I know him? Hey, hey! Sai! Give me back the phone, this is important business—"

"Gorgeous, Inojin swallowed some ink," Sai’s voice said faintly, sounding tinny and nasal. "Sorry, Ugly, I have to borrow my wife from you before our child expires from accidental poisoning. Gorgeous, what do we do?"

"SAI, WHAT—Forehead, I’ll call you back later," Ino said, exasperated. "Don’t you think that you slipped out of this one, Sakura, because you’re telling me _everything_ as soon as we come back—"

Sakura hung up the phone. She caught Kakashi, looking very amused.

"Your Yamanaka friend?" Kakashi asked. He chuckled. "She sounds exactly like her da—" He stopped. "…Hey. Sakura."

Sakura sniffled. "I couldn’t call her," she said. "Ino. No matter how many times I rang, the phone would never pick up." She hastily wiped the tears and snot from her nose. She hiccuped. "And I was so scared, because Ino’s always there for me, and she—all of a sudden, she wasn’t there—"

"Hey," Kakashi said gently. "It’s okay." He set his mug aside and brushed a few wayward strands of her hair away from her face before cupping her face with both hands.

"I don’t know what happened," he said. "But I’m here. _You’re_ here. And that’s all that matters to me." He tugged down the mask covering the lower half of his face.

"I love you," Kakashi told her. "And I will never let you go.” 

“…Promise?”

“I promise."

He leaned over and kissed her forehead once, before angling his face to cover her mouth with his own for a deep, breathless kiss.

When their lips finally parted, he offered her a crooked grin.

"Merry Christmas, Sakura," he said, smiling. The lights outside illuminated his face, and there, in that second, Sakura thought Kakashi was the most beautiful person she had ever seen.

"Merry Christmas, Kakashi," she said, and Kakashi pulled her in for another hug.

They watched the village festivities through the window of Kakashi’s apartment in tranquil silence. The fairy lights coiled around the lampposts flickered on and off, like a multitude of multicolored fireflies. Then, as the small crowd around the base of the Christmas tree roared with excitement, the tall pine tree in the center of the square began to glow brightly.

Sakura felt Kakashi’s warm breath on her hair, heard the steady thump of his heart through his vest.

For once, she couldn’t hear the sound of the rain.

  
  
  


**AN: Rearranged some sections for better clarity. Let me know your thoughts!**


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